Victims Aren't We All [entries|friends|calendar] Steff [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[12 Aug 2005|12:39pm] [ mood | anxious ] Hmm..Haven't updated in...xD. Yep, need to come up with a new name. You want in? =P Lol. Then leave a comment. <3. Layte. through the mist.

Not meant to be. [23 May 2005|04:54pm] [ mood | indescribable ] Some people only exist for others. There is a time when you are needed. When your presence is relevant.I never really lived for just myself. Never been the screw all type, maybe thats my downfall. Not really willing to find out. All I know is that the ones I love have others they care about and vise versa. They are in some way or other happy. Just knowing that, makes it easier, more painful, but much easier. It hurts not to be needed, but its how it is. Its how it should be. I'm not meant to be, a part of me always knew that and perhaps in a few months I'll be able to finally let go.. -shrugs- I'm tired of talking now. through the mist.

[23 Apr 2005|01:26pm] [ mood | drained ] A wraith with an angel's body A demon with a smile of gold You soulsucker I won't become like you A killer with the perfect weapons, crystal eyes, and a heart of coal You soulsucker I won't lose myself in you Look how pretty she is when she falls down Now there is no beauty in bleeding mascara Lips are quivering like a withering rose She's back again What the fuck do you think love means? It's much more than words and feelings sucking me dry Is my marrow that sweet? Your dead lovers have left a trail of broken hearts and misspent hopes Sucking them dry Does their marrow taste of sweetness, sweetness? I hope you choke 7 see // through the mist.

Oblivious Me [23 Mar 2005|11:13am] [ mood | silly ] I've been listening to this song lately. Its called Taste you by Auf De Maur. Ok ok, perhaps I should have realized that the song could possibly be a smidget perverted..:P. Though the version I have, is the french one, which I honestly prefer to the english, sounds much prettier :). Besides a few english lyrics, the song is all pretty and french like :P. I listen to this song most of the day, only to realize hours later what they are saying at the end of the song. "I will taste you, (I've got a big mouth) I will taste you. (I've got a big mouth)" Needless to say it surprised me..xD. I was paying so much attention to memorizing the french, that well I failed to realize the little english parts. Idk why but the "I've got a big mouth" part..I was laughing at myself for at least 2 min. Sometimes being oblivious has its advantages? xD 11 see // through the mist.

Untitled :/ [08 Mar 2005|06:31pm] [ mood | so close... ] Alone in the darkness Tears stream down Little bloody pools Upon the ground A crippled form, knees held tight As the night slowly drains her Whimpered cries flood the room Pain consumes all thought Watch the knife drop No other way Nothing else to say or do Close your eyes now Let the pain leave you Love is gone, no moving on, death is all I see, it is all I need. To feel nothing again, its all I could ever want. I've never been much of a writer..o well..~sighs~...Yep...life is...life I guess...one minute I am SO close, and the next..I just "am". I feel like I'm going insane!! I wish it was easier to do..and I know if I don't do it before the ones I care for do, then..I couldn't live with that pain for even a moment..I wish I could convince them not to..make them see I care..give them some hope in some form, but I can't. My words seem no longer relevant..what is real anymore? The few amazing people I've known...I don't think I could ever mean as much to them as they do to me. They kept me alive for the longest time..but now..they are gone...so..as reality comes back to me...my will to live becomes thin... 4 see // through the mist.

..... [24 Feb 2005|10:48am] [ mood | numb ] I'm done...everyone I ever care about, I loose. I don't think I'll be coming online anymore..no one cares anyways, so stop pretending dammit. I have a cell..but I'm debating whether to get rid of that as well..barely talk to anyone on it..well with the exception of one person..~sighs~ Have a good life everyone. 4 see // through the mist.

Cut my wrists and black my eyes..so I can fall asleep tonight [23 Feb 2005|11:12am] [ mood | weird ] FINALLY!! Guh this damn thing hasn't been letting me post lately. I had this big nice post for my rp journal and it was deleted because of idiotic journal errors!!! >_< Hey Jake!! xD Damn internet people! All this talk of John Cena? He is kind of scary ;). Lmao. KC!! I don't talk to you much anymore..but I haven't been on a lot lately..I'll try to be on more..-huggles- Love u! ^_^ Hmmm...I could go all in depth on the shit going on with me..but then it would just turn into a annoying depressive rant, so I think lyrics shall suffice for now. lol. Unwritten Law - Save me Had a bad day, don't talk to me, gonna ride this out, My little black heart, breaks apart, with your big mouth. And I'm sick of my sickness Dont touch me, you'll get this. I'm useless, lazy, perverted, and you hate me. You can't save me, You can't change me, Well I'm waiting for my wake up call, And everything, everything's my fault. Went to the doctor, and I asked her, to make this stop. Got medication, a new addiction, Fucking thanks a lot. Had to relapse, I'm outta rehab, It ruined everything. So point your finger, at the singer, He's in the pharmacy. You can't save me, You can't change me, Well I'm waiting for my wake up call , and everything's my fault. You can't save me, You can't blame me, Well I'm waiting here to take a fall, and everything, and everthing's my fault. And I'm a death threat haven't slept yet, Baby wide awake at dawn. Helmet bad boy, tell the tabloids, everything's my fault. Write it write it,everthing's my fault. I went to heaven, couldn't get it, For what I had done. I said forsake me, you said you're crazy you were too much fun. You can't save me, You can't change me, Well I'm waiting for my wake up call , and everything's my fault. You can't save me, You can't blame me, Well I'm waiting here to take a fall, and everything,everthing's my fault. You can't save me, You can't change me x2 You can't change me,(everthing's my fault) You can't save me, You can't change me, Everything's my fault. Someone shoot me!!! I'm turning emo O_O...lmao. 2 see // through the mist.

V-day rant. [13 Feb 2005|07:44pm] [ mood | frustrated ] I wrote this in my myspace blog..but I want to vent it here as well..lol.. This holiday should have never been created. If you love someone, one day should not have to symbolize it. I mean you show them that you love them everyday in your own little way. It should not amount to only one "day" to prove your love to someone. A fabricated holiday companies have created based on the insecurities of our society. Those cheeky bastards feed off our need of anothers affection. Its stupid, cruel and makes everyone who doesn't have a significant other feel practically worthless. This isn't like St. Patricks day or anything like that. Its a holiday that actually forces one to feel like the need someone in order to feel complete and thats beyond messed. You can't be around fam or friends to make this day any better. It just sux in general. Even if you had a significant other, there is no point in celebrating, for what it represents is truly wrong. I say shun this day! Go trick or treating hell mock its every last breathe. There is no need for it, don't let it drag you down, the only one that ever benefits from this day is the miserable bastards who cash in on the chocolate and flower purchases. If you have someone, then remember that this day does not define your love, so stop making it a big deal. For those that are single, be glad you don't have to worry about feeding into this coorperate conspiracy, be angry at it! It mocks us, so damn it to hell. 2 see // through the mist.

I see that I never really got it right.. [20 Jan 2005|05:17pm] [ mood | giving up ] One of my ramblings that I saved.. ladysapphiredge (9:29:22 PM): (Logical ramblings, read or don't I care not)-Stops looking back, eyes filled with pain.- People say their there..but their only there when they feel it necessary. Its human nature to be kind, but it is our human error that proves us to be faulty. I have mostly avoided that but even at times I myself fall faulty to that lack of caring for a few precious moments. One says they care? But their true colors always shine in their moments of self indulgance. You tell me you care and my heart wishes to believe you, but in the end you will grow tired of caring and eventually leave, it is just how it works, you may try to stop it, but that human fault, it shows the truth, one must become used to the lonliness inside in order to live..if they ever get that far. 4 see // through the mist.

Now that I'm all alone, Painfully aware, I'm starting to feel the cold, Knowing you're not there [17 Jan 2005|04:33pm] [ mood | crushed ] Finally!! Been needing to vent on here, that much is sure. Whoever tries to take logic to love..is an idiot. These past few weeks, the more I try to rationalize love in my mind, the more I realize how hopeless it is to do so. Its been weeks and now I am feeling release from him.. reminded of his pain days later....the pain is now less for me though. -shrugs- It doesn't really matter anymore. I tried to love, I was shot down. I tried to crush on someone, only to feel invisible by him and all those around me. I tried many things, so now I sit here wondering where my pain will take me again. Back down towards the path of death? I know not at the moment. One thing I sicken myself with though, is tears. I seem to drown myself in them every day now. So attatched to some, so that only one word can cut like a knife inside me. I'm starting to feel like I'm fading away. Not knowing who I am, afraid what the pain could turn me into. I sit here staring blankly, if it weren't for music and the comfort of knowing at least a few select truly care, then I'd most likely be alone in my room waiting to bleed out. Yet now I wonder is it enough without the true love of another? I love my friends more than words could say. I would die for them without a hesitant breath. But when they tell me life is worth living, that they are here for me..are they truly here? They themselves have to go through pain which I don't know, loss of loved ones, etc. Many simply repeat the sympathetic praddle in their mind so they feel a bit better about themselves, but in the end most don't really care. Yet those that claim to care, when the pain is gone, when the subjects come up over and over, will they truly stick their ground? Truly save you from yourself? Show you a path that is worth moving on to? I'm not sure. Its not really their job now is it? It is in a sense but only you can save yourself right? I'm not really sure anymore. Not sure if I should care. Right now one of the things I do know is that for some reason unexplained, I need love. I need to feel the wanting of another, no matter how much comfort I place in my friends, love is like air to me, and right now I am slowly chocking from lack of it, but love is never going to happen for me again, perhaps I am selfish for wanting it, so I am not worthy having such a precious thing as love, so for now I just simply remain until my pain takes me further... Damage Plan- Save me Save me from myself I call out But no one hears my plea Burn my candle fast from both ends Nightmares grow from dreams You don't know, you can't see through my eyes So you don't know me You don't know what's going through my mind But can you help me Save me from myself if you ever really cared Save me from myself, tell me you're not scared Intensity that grows within me Reflections of my pain I'll create or I'll destroy But either way it's always in my veins You don't know, you can't see through my eyes So you don't know me You don't know what's going through my mind But can you help me Save me from myself if you ever really cared Save me from myself, tell me you're not scared Save me... from me... through the mist.

I'm a creep, I'm a loser...what the hell am I doing here..I don't belong here.. [06 Jan 2005|10:26pm] [ mood | confused ] Slipknot-Disaterpeice I wanna slit your throat and fuck the wound I wanna press my face in and feel the swoon I wanna dig inside, find a little bit of me Cause the line gets crossed when you don't come clean My wormwood meets your pesticide You'll never get out, cause you were never alive I am infinite, I am the infant finite Come a little closer and I'll show you why (NO ONE IS - SAFE) Noises, noises, people make noises People make noises when they're sick Nothing to do except hold on to NOTHING How does it feel to be locked inside another dream That never had a chance of being realized? What the fuck are you looking at? I'll tell you what you're looking at Everyone you ever fucking laughed at Look in my eyes for the answers - typical I can feel it underneath like a miracle Everybody in the world needs more than Lies and consequences to power them Once again, it's me and no one else I can't remember if there was a someone else It's not mine, it's not fair, it's outta my hands And it's shaking - you'll never take me (NO ONE IS - SAFE) Noises, noises, people make noises People make noises when they're sick Nothing to do except hold on to NOTHING NOTHING! (HATE) Hate ain't enough to describe me (SCREAM) Somewhere between screaming and crying I'm not supposed to be here I'm not supoosed to be (WHY) When do I get to know why? (BITTER) Bitter as the stink of when I try I'm not supposed to be here I'm not supposed to be Pull your hands away I'm gone - goodbye - it's so depressing Withering away Take a look - inside - my soul is missing All I have is dead, so I'll take you with me Feel like I'm erased - so kill me just in case (COVET) Everything around me's mine (STY) Can't see through the sties in my eyes I'm not supposed to be here I'm not supposed to be (DOWN) Scratching and clawing all the way (STAY) You won't let me fucking stay I'm not supposed to be here I'm not supposed to be (LIVE) Is there another way to live? (DIE) Cause it's the only way to die I'm not supposed to be here I'm not supposed to be 2 see // through the mist.

Well well [24 Dec 2004|04:09pm] [ mood | contemplative ] Looks like I decided to write about me now doesn't it... Guess its time people see the real side of me....-snickers- This should be interesting. through the mist.

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ]